She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
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I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
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Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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