I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
