i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
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and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
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My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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