apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
