yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
