ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
