Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
