two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
