my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
