You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
