my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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