i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
