Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize