I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
