I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
