if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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