How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Pants are for mortals
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