i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
