all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
