Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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