i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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