I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
if only i could text you this smell
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
