You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
