There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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