i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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