I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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