Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
