just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
