i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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