I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
