I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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