Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
