i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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