I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
