the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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