Christians are straight up FREAKS
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
