I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
