Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
