It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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