We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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