somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
