you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
