just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
