I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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