I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
