Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
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Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
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New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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