me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
