your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
