I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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