Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
