I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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