shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
