I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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