I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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