Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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