Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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