wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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