why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
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I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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