We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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