I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The Olympian is in my bed
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
