Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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