i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
