Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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