I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
