I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
