wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
