She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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