If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
