Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Less talking, more tequila
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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