she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
What drink are we having for lunch?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
