My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
