and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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